Monday, June 7, 2010

Yahoo Answer: Friends Problem with Third Party
There's this girl on Yahoo Answers that hates her girl's ex boyfriend/ close friend. Here's what she said,

I hate this guy my best friend hangs out with?
He's rude and a bit of a bully, totally selfish and he copies everything I do to have fun with her! But for some reason she really likes to hang out with him. I know I don't own her or anything, and she has a right to hang out with whoever she wants, but how can I make her see what he's really like?

P.S. they used to date and then they broke up, i'm afraid they'll get back together again. When they were together I was miserable. I couldn't say a bad word about him. Please tell me what to do so I can get my friend to realize what a loser he is.

I answered,
1. You can tell her straight out. You guys are best friends, I'm sure there are a lot of chances where there will be only two of you and that you guys can have peace, say, the cafe or late night contact. Calls are the best, you get to have a real one, texting or chatting, not so. She won't be able to hear your voice, the intensity/ the level of serious-NESS the matter is.
I think this is the best method, just tell her directly instead of playing riddles.

2. You can indirectly tell her. When she talks about somebody who is a jerk like him, tell her, "Yeah you know what, that is just how (his name) is"/ "(his name) used to do that to me/(somebody's name)/the neighbour's son". See how she reacts, you may be able to pour your heart out too.

This is a more subtle way of knowing if she's on his side or the truth, and to tell her gently about how her great friend is, without her. If she's the gentle, can't take big blows at once, I suggest this method.

But, if all else fails, despite the fact that she already knows how bad he is and still wants to be close/together with him, just be there for her, be nice to the guy. You know the saying, "To defeat an enemy is to get closer". I think it's true. =)

People in love is hard to separate even if you show proof of the other's treachery/bad side to them. They are blind, and I've been there, so I know how it feels like. So friends, if you have a friend like this one, just be there for them, just keep on giving them advice when they ask (eventhough they won't listen to it) and protect them. There's nothing to be done already at this point, so you just have to be ready with the tissues and ear to listen to her when they break up.

Shine on,


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